party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
