once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize