So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
