Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
