I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
