So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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