I molested 6 butterflies tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
