Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
