I must be too annoying 4 u.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize