But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
