oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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