i think my mom watched the whole time
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
