i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
