Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
