don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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