It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
