somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
