worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
