My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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