dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
