I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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