The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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