After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
