Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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