I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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