This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
