we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
