if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
