$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
