I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
