yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
