He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
