I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
