apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
