I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
