My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
