She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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