I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
