PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
