you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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