My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
