I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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