Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
