I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
