a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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