i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
