She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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