this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it's like iHOP with fire
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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