Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
so much tequila, so little girl.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize