My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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