my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
