She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
