oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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