I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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