Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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