I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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