Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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