I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
