Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
