But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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