thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
