Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
