Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
