I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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