hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize