is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
