Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
