Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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