YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
