she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
